Do You Wish It Was Me?
by nessalyn
Summary: Tears trickled down Jude Quincy's pale cheeks. She was sitting on the rocking chair in the baby's room. The baby who was never able to be brought home from the hospital, the baby who was supposed to make them a real family. Her eyes wandered over to the e
1. Chapter 1

Tears trickled down Jude Quincy's pale cheeks. She was sitting on the rocking chair in the baby's room. The baby who was never able to be brought home from the hospital, the baby who was supposed to make them a real family. Her eyes wandered over to the empty crib with the blue crocheted blanket draped over the railing. Her heart ached for what should be.

"I don't know what to do with her anymore. All she does is sit up in that room," Tommy said, his voice full of pain.

"You just have to give her some time Tommy. She'll get better," Kwest said.

"So I'm supposed to stand by and watch my wife turn into the living dead? She hasn't left that room in days. She doesn't come to bed, she doesn't eat," he trailed off.

"It's only been a week," Sadie said softly.

Tommy sat down at the kitchen table, exhaustion and pain painted his face.

"Tommy, I know it's hard, but you have to try to understand what Jude has gone through," Sadie told him.

"She's not the only one who lost him," he said, standing up.

"Tommy, where are you going?" Kwest asked him.

He put his hands up in the air and shook his head. "Anywhere but here sounds great," he said, slamming the door behind him.

Flashback  
"Tommy, how is he?" Jude asked him as she clutched onto his arm.

"He's fine honey," he said, his eyes following the nurse that held his tiny, still, dark-haired baby.

"Tommy, why isn't he crying?" Babies are supposed to cry. What's wrong with him?" She asked frantically, her eyes wide with worry.

"Jude, calm down," he said softly. He brushed her hair away from her face as she held his hand tightly.

Jude turned to a nurse who was checking her vitals. "Can I hold my baby?"

"I'm sorry Mrs. Quincy, but they're taking him to the NICU."

"What? Tommy what's going on?" She cried pitifully.

"He's just having some trouble breathing Mrs. Quincy. His lungs haven't quite developed all the way because he was early," the doctor explained.

Present

Tommy opened the door to his Viper, got in, and drove off. For the past month, his life had been a whirlwind, and in that month, he and Jude had fought more than they had in their two years of marriage. No parent should ever have to go through what they did.

He had only driven to the end of the block before he pulled over and started sobbing.

Flashback  
"Tommy, I uh, I have something to tell you," Jude said at her Release Party. She had pulled him from the party and led him out into the alley.

"What's that?" He smiled at her, his harms loosely draped around her small waist.

"You're going to be a Daddy, Quincy," she said, a bright smile quickly appearing on her face.

"I-Oh wow," he said, smiling. He picked her up and hugged her tightly, spinning her around, his own face exuding happiness.

Jude giggled as he quickly led her back into the party. He grabbed a champagne flute and hit a fork against it to gain everyone's attention. "Everyone, I have some exciting news. Jude and I are going to have a baby!"

Present  
Sadie knocked on the closed door of the nursery. "Jude, can I come in?"

"Yeah," she said softly.

Sadie walked in and saw her younger sister sitting on the rocking chair, clutching a blue and white teddy bear to her chest.

"Jude," she said softly, as she knelt down in front of her. "Why don't you come downstairs, eat something."

"I'm not hungry," she said quickly, avoiding her sister's gaze.

"Jude, please just come downstairs. It's not healthy, keeping yourself in this room. You've had a bunch of visitors. Spied, Jamie, Mason, even Darius and Shay stopped by earlier today."

"I don't care."

"Maybe you should start," Sadie said, a bit more harshly than she meant it to be. "There are so many people who care about you, who want to help you, and you just keep pushing them away. Your husband is not only hurting because he lost his son, but he's also worried sick about his wife."

"Go away," Jude said loudly.

Sadie shook her head. "I'm not leaving until you do," she said as she sat down in a chair.

Tommy quickly ocmposed himself and drove back to the house.

"Where's Sadie?" He asked Kwest as he walked into the house.

"Upstairs with Jude."

"Is she okay?"

"I'm going to say yes. Her and Sadie have been going back and forth for the past fifteen minutes."

Tommy simply nodded and sat down on the couch. "Maybe she can get through to her because God knows I can't."

"How are you doing?" Kwest asked blatantly.

"I'm fine."

"Tommy, I'm your best friend, so I'm thinking that it's okay for me to tell you this. You look like hell, man."

"Oh thanks."

"You haven't been sleeping either have you?"

"How can I? If I'm not worrying about Jude, or trying to coax her out of that goddamn room, I'm thinking about Skylar."

Flashback

"He's so tiny," Jude mused as she looked into the incubator that held their small son.

"He looks just like you," Tommy smiled.

"Me? He's got your eyes, and he definitely has your hair."

"He's beautiful," Tommy whispered as he held Jude's hand.

"I was thinking of names today and I came up with Skylar Lee," she said softly.

"Skylar," Tommy repeated. "I like it."


	2. Chapter 2

Sadie eventually gave up around midnight and went home with Kwest, which left Tommy to deal with his distraught wife. He slowly made his way up the steps. He could hear her talking to herself and he shook his head before opening the door. He peeked in and saw her standing over the empty crib.

"Jude, honey-"

"Shh."

"Jude, Skylar is gone and there's nothing you or me, or anyone else can do about it."

"Shut-up."

"He's dead, and if you don't stop acting the way you are, you might as well be too," he said coldly.

Jude turned around and glared at him, but didn't say anything.

"You are not crazy, so stop acting like you are! No matter what happened we have to try to get back to normal."

"Normal?" She scoffed. "Define normal to me Tommy, because my normal would be me changing Skylar and rocking him to sleep, that's my normal."

"I would kill for that normal, Jude! I miss him just as much as you do."

"No! Don't even say that," she yelled. "You can't miss him like I do, because he wasn't part of you for seven and a half months!" She yelled, tears beuilding in her eyes.

"Do you really want to get into a screaming match over who misses our son more and why?"

"What do you think?"

"Honestly, I'm really not sure anymore. I have no idea what's going on in that head of yours, and I'm not even sure I want to know anymore."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that since we've gotten home, you have hardly left this room, you barely talk to anyone, and I sleep by myself in our bed."

"Just go away Tommy," she hissed softly.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I miss my wife," he said, his voice shaky and thick with emotion.

Jude looked over at him, her eyes filled with tears as well. She shook her head and looked up at him. "She's gone."

He shook his head. "No, she's not. She just insists on hiding."

She quickly looked away from him and leaned on the bar of the crib.

Tommy slowly walked toward her and wrapped his arms around her. She quickly pushed him away.

"I told you to go," she said harshly.

He swallowed hard and nodded, leaving the room. He paced up and down the hallway until two in the morning. He couldn't stand going to their bedroom, with the painful reminder that Jude wasn't there, and maybe never would be again. He walked downstairs, laid on the couch, and finally fell into a fitful sleep.

The next morning Tommy was awakened by the incessant ringing of the phone. He groaned and grabbed the phone off the coffee table.

"Hello."

"Tommy, hey," came Darius's voice. "I know things are tough right now but I was wondering if you would be able to come in for awhile today. I have a new artist and I think you and her would really click."

"I'll be right there," he said quickly, hanging up the phone. He threw on some wrinkled clothes that were laying on the floor, and slipped a note under the nursery room's door, telling Jude where he was. He grabbed a cup of coffee, and drove to G Major.

"Tommy, this is Drea," Darius introduced him to a short, caramel colored girl with curly black hair.

"It's nice to meet you Tommy," Drea said, shaking his hand. "Darius has been raving about your producing abilities.

Tommy nodded. "It's nice to meet you too."

"You two can go into Studio A if you'd like. Tommy, get Drea acquainted with the equipment, maybe lay down a track or two," he hinted.

"Yes boss," Tommy said, as he led Drea into Studio A. "I'm going to assume that you've been in a recording studio before?"

"Of course," she smiled.

"Well, then if you'd like you can step into the booth, get yourself used to everything, and sing something for me," he said, his voice dull.

Drea looked at him, as if studying him for a bit, and finally went into the booth.

Tommy sighed and sat back in his chair. He shouldn't be here, he should be at home, helping Jude. But then again, Jude pretty much said she didn't want or need his help.

"Tommy?" Drea said for the third time. "Is everything alright?"

"Oh," his head shot up. "Yeah, of course, I'm just tired."

"We don't have to do this today if you don't feel up to it" she said softly, her voice floating through the speaker.

Tommy sighed again. "He told you didn't he?"

Drea nodded and walked back to the sound room. She sat down on a chair across from him. "Yeah, he did, and I'm really sorry Tommy. As much as I'd love to get started today, we don't have to."

"I'm fine, just go in there and sing," he said,a bit more harshly than he meant it.

"Okay," she nodded.

After a few takes that had gone nowhere, he told Drea to take a break. He walked out into the lobby to get a cup of coffee.

"Hey Tommy," Kwest said.

"Hi," he nodded.

"Didn't get a whole lot of sleep last night did you?"

Tommy rolled his eyes and shook his head. "No. Jude and I got into a fight and I just don't know what to do anymore. I shouldn't have even left her alone."

"Don't worry about it. Sadie went over this morning after Darius said he had called you. She's there, keeping an eye on her."

"Thanks."

Kwest shook his head. "It's fine. We all know how much stress you've been under, both you and Jude, but if you ever need to get out,and you want someone to keep an eye on her, anyone here will do it."

"How ironic huh? I have to find a babysitter for my 23-year-old wife," he said bitterly.

"Tommy, everything will be fine eventually."

"Yeah...eventually."


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Remember guys...reviews are like candy...and the more reviews...the faster I update :) cuz that's just how I roll :P

Tommy stayed at G Major for the rest of the afternoon, working with Drea and just wandering around the studio. As horrible as it sounded, it was nice getting out of the house, and getting back to his job. He thought about Jude too much and didn't get much accomplished, but everyone understood, especially Drea, maybe even too much.

Around five, Tommy decided to call it a day and drove back to the house. He sat in his car for ten minutes, dreading the night ahead of him. He knew he had to talk to her, but if she kept pushing him away, he wasn't sure he could take too much more of living like this.

He slowly made his way up to the house and opened the door. Sadie was sitting on the chair and Jude was sitting on the couch. The television was on, but he was almost positive that neither of them were actually watching it.

"Uh, hey Jude," he said cautiously.

Jude looked over at him. "Hi."

Well at least she's acknowledging me, he thought to himself. He sat down beside her, giving Jude a little space between them.

Sadie took this as her cue to leave. She grabbed her purse and quietly slipped out the front door.

"How was your day?" Tommy asked softly.

"Fine," she replied, staring at nothing in particular. "Yours?"

"Uh, it was good," he replied, knowing how awkward this conversation was. He looked up at the clock. "How about I make some supper for the two of us?"

Jude shrugged. "I really don't care."

Tommy sighed, his patience growing thin. "When are you going to care again?"

"Excuse me?" She said as she looked over at him.

"You heard me Jude, when are you going to care again? "

"Who says I don't?"

Tommy shook his head and stood up. "You don't get it Jude."

"What don't I get?"

"You don't understand that life goes on Jude and you don't understand that I love you!"

"Are you kidding me Quincy? I can't believe you're saying this to me."

"You're surprised? The only thing I'm surprised about is how long it's taken me to tell you this. I kept telling myself that you'd be fine, after awhile you would be my Jude again. I've been living with a zombie for the past month and a half! I can't do a goddamn thing right when it comes to you anymore."

"I have never said you were doing anything wrong!"

"Really? Do you not remember the first time we got to hold Skylar? 'Tommy, you're not holding him right, you're going to drop him, Tommy, just give him back.' And not only that, everything that I tried to do for you while we were at the hospital, wasn't right or wasn't good enough!"

"You're making a big deal about a few things I said?"

"No, I'm making a big deal about the fact that you act as if nobody else in the world is suffering, except you."

Jude screamed and glared at him. "Sometimes I just wish you weren't even here anymore!"

"Oh so you wish I would be dead instead of Skylar? That's real low Jude," he said as he stormed upstairs. He walked into their bedroom and started throwing clothes into a black duffel bag.

"Tommy, that's not what I meant!"

"Jude, I can't stay here with you anymore. I know you miss Skylar, but so do I, and right now if one of us doesn't leave, we're both going to go crazy." He said as he picked up the bag and started down the steps.

"Tommy, don't leave," she said, her voice dull.

"At least make it sound like you mean it," Tommy said painfully. "Goodbye Jude," he said softly as he left the house. This was the hardest thing he'd done in his entire life. He walked to the Viper and started driving towards Kwest's house.

Jude stared out the window, watching Tommy's shiny blue Viper pull away from the house. This wasn't happening. One of these days she was going to wake up and the past two months will have all been a nightmare. Slow tears fell down her face as she watched the Viper dissapear down the road.

Tommy parked the Viper in front of Kwest's house and knocked on the door.

"Tommy, why are you here, and why do you have a bag?"

"Don't go there Kwest. Can I stay here for a few days?"  
"Yeah, sure, but I'm going to need some kind of explanation Tommy."

Tommy walked into the house and dropped his bag by the door. "I can't stay in the house anymore, and I can't be around Jude without fighting with her."

"What happened?"

"Nothing, we just can't be around each other right now."

"So you left her?"

"No...yes, kind of."

"You just gave me three answers in one sentence."

"Do you have any beer?" Tommy asked randomly.

"Look, I don't care if you stay here, but I don't want you getting drunk off your ass, puking sick."

"I won't."

"Yeah I do, I'll be right back," Kwest said. He walked into the kitchen and grabbed two beers out of the fridge. He tossed one to Tommy and sat down on the chair beside the couch.

"So now what?" Kwest asked him.

"Beats me. When I was leaving, she asked me to stay, but even when she asked me to stay, it didn't even sound like she wanted me to."

"Maybe you two should see someone."

"I don't need a shrink Kwest," he said, taking a large swig of his beer.

"Sorry I mentioned it," Kwest said. The phone started ringing and Kwest got up to answer it.

"Hello."

"Kwest, it's Sadie. Is Tommy there?"

"Yeah he is."

"I'm going to kill him."

"Sadie, hold on. Why are you going to kill him?"

"Because he left Jude!"

Kwest sighed. "I have a feeling that if those two would have stayed in the same house tonight, one of them wouldn't be waking up tomorrow."

"That's not the point. She called me crying, and when I got over here, she was sitting in the bathroom with a bottle of pills."

"Is she okay?"

"No Kwest, she's not okay."

"Well she didn't take any of them did she?"

"No, but-"

Kwest sighed again, wishing he wasn't in the middle of this whole thing. "Sadie, Tommy isn't exactly doing great either. Right now, he's sitting in my living room downing beer."

"They need help."  
"Already brought it up, and I got shot down."

"Well what am I supposed to do with Jude?" Sadie asked, her voice shaky. "I know I'm supposed to be her big sister and all, but the shell that's walking around this house, is not my little sister."

"I know," Kwest sighed softly. "Tommy mentioned that the doctor gave her some sleeping pills. Get her to take one of those, and try to hang in there."

There was a long pause while Sadie tried to compose herself. "Thanks Kwest," she sniffed.

"Anytime."

Kwest placed the phone back on the reciever and walked back into the kitchen.

"Who was that?" Tommy asked, having already gotten two more beers from the fridge.

"Telemarketer," he said, taking a swallow of his own drink.

"That was a long conversation."

Kwest shrugged. "She was very persuasive."

Tommy shook his head. "Always the one who couldn't hang up on a girl."

"What can I say? I'm a softie," Kwest said.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning Tommy woke up on Kwest's couch, with one hell of a headache. He'd lost count of how much he'd drank after beer number seven, and he was pretty sure he'd passed out sometime during the night.

Kwest walked in front of him. "I really hope you have a hangover."

"That's cruel."

"Yeah, but you also drank all my beer."

"I'll buy you some more," Tommy groaned as he sat up, with his head in his hands.

Kwest shook his head. "There's some coffee in the kitchen. I have to say, I haven't seen you that drunk since your bachelor party."

Tommy stood up shakily and walked into the kitchen. "Well that's good to know," he said sarcastically as he grabbed a mug and filled it with the black liquid.

"So what are you going to do today?"

"I'm going to go to work, what else would I do?"

"Oh I don't know, maybe go talk to your wife?"

Tommy shook his head. "No. She made it pretty clear that she doesn't want to talk to me, or even see me for that matter."

"So you're just going to stay here...at my house?"

"Well Kwest, if you really want me to leave, I can go stay at a hotel or something."

"No it's fine, you can stay here as long as you want, but maybe you should at least call Jude."

Tommy scoffed and set his coffee down. "I'm going to go use your shower, and then I'm going to work, calling Jude doesn't exactly fit in my schedule right now."

For the next week Tommy and Jude avoided each other like the plague. Tommy was still staying with Kwest, even though he annoyed him by telling him to call Jude every five seconds, and Sadie was staying with Jude for the time being.

"Tommy, you look stressed," Drea told him while he was setting some beats to a song of hers.

"I am," he said quickly.

Drea smiled, walked behind him and started giving him a backrub. "You're tense Quincy."

"Drea stop it," he said shortly.

"I'm just trying to help," she whispered huskily in his ear.

"We need to work."

Drea leaned forward and planted her lips on his.

"So this is why you don't come home," a voice said from the doorway.

Tommy quickly pushed Drea away, turned around and saw Jude standing against the wall. Her hair was in a high ponytail and she was wearing sweats and a t-shirt.

"Jude, this is nothing."

Jude laughed. "Sure, nothing, right," she said giving him a thumbs up. "I'm just going to go. I'll close the door so you can continue banging your artist," she said as she left the room.

Tommy glared at Drea and followed her. "Jude, wait."

She turned around. "Why? You haven't been home for a week, and then when I finally come to talk to you, I find that?"

"That, was nothing," he said pointing at the room.

"Sure, that's also what Bill Clinton told his wife, when she caught him and Monica Lewinsky in the oval office," she rolled her eyes.

"Jude, I would never cheat on you, ever."

Jude nodded. "Whatever," she said as she left the studio.

Later that day Tommy was sitting in his office when Sadie knocked on his door.

"Come in," he said absentmindedly, as he was looking something up on his computer.

"Tommy, this package came for you," she said softly, handing him a thick brown manilla envelope.

"What's this?"

Sadie shrugged. "I really don't know," she lied.

Tommy sighed and opened the envolope. He scanned over the first few paragraphs and looked up at Sadie with wide eyes. "Divorce papers? She got divorce papers written up and delivered in less than a day?"

"I guess so Tommy," Sadie said quietly.

Outraged, Tommy threw the papers violently against the wall, scattering them around his office.

"I'm going to go," Sadie said, slipping out the door.

"Son of a bitch!" He cursed as he stood up and paced the room. He was the one who left and she was the one who sent him divorce papers? There was something in that picture that just didn't seem right.

Kwest knocked gently on the door before he walked into the office. "Sadie uh told me about the papers."

"Tell Darius I'm done working with Drea," he snapped.

"Why?"

"She fucking kissed me, and Jude saw, hence why I just got served with divorce papers."

"That's something you should be telling him Tommy, not me."

Tommy shook his head, picked up some of the papers, and walked across the hall to Darius's office. He threw them on the desk and glared at him. "I'm done working with Drea."

"What? Tom, what's going on?" He said, picking up the papers.

"Jude is divorcing me because she caught that little skank kissing me."

"Smart girl, it took Portia ten groupies before she divorced you."

"Not the time or the place D. I don't want to work with Drea, hell I don't even want to see her around here anymore."

"I can't fire her Tom, she has a great career ahead of her, but I can match her with a different producer if that's what you want."

"Of course that's what I want," he said, turning around to leave the room.

"Tom, you forgot your papers."

"Thanks for reminding me," he said, grabbing them and walking out.

"Tommy where are you going?" Sadie asked as he started to walk through the glass doors.

"I'm going to talk to my wife."


	5. Chapter 5

Tommy drove the five miles to their house. He didn't know if he should be hurt or angry, as a lethal combination of emotions ran through his veins. He pulled into the driveway and quickly walked up to the door. He debated knocking, but pulled out his house key. He walked in and saw Jude in the kitchen, drinking a cup of coffee, looking as calm as ever.

"I wondered when you were going to get here," she said, looking at her watch.

"What's this about Jude?"

"What do you think it's about? It's about you and that little whore you call a client."

He laughed bitterly and shook his head. "No, it's not, because you know that there's nothing going on with her."

"I know what happens on the soundboard, Tommy," she said quickly, drinking some of her coffee.

Tommy rolled his eyes and threw his hands in the air. "I can't do anything right for you Jude, I get that, but you want a divorce? That's really what you want?"

Jude paused and stared at him for a moment. "Yes, that's what I want," she said coldly, in a voice that wasn't hers.

"Then fine, you can have your goddamn divorce, Jude! You can keep the house, because I wouldn't want to tear you away from that precious room of yours!" He yelled at her.

"Don't you dare bring that into this. Skylar has nothing to do with it."

"It doesn't, that's a newsflash to me. Forget it. I'll sign your damn papers, get a lawyer, and you'll be free of me as soon as possible," he said, walking out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

As he was driving back to the studio he started thinking about when they decorated the nursery.

Flashback

Tommy smiled at his six months pregnant wife. She had kept going on and on about how she was getting fat, but he thought she'd never looked more beautiful. He set the paint roller down and went over to hug her. "Hey, what do you think so far?" He asked her.

"I think my husband makes a better producer than painter," she teased him, smiling nonetheless.

"Very funny," he said, wiping a paintstained finger across her cheek.

"I'm just kidding. It looks great Tommy, really," she smiled up at him.

"I was hoping you'd say something like that,' he said, kissing her forehead. "Now get out, paint fumes are bad for the baby."

"But-"

"No, shoo," he said, waving her out of the room.

End Flashback  
Tommy could still hear her happy, soft laugh from that day. He drove aimlessly until it started getting dark. When he arrived at Kwest's house, Sadie was standing in the kitchen, making supper.

"Where have you been? We've been worried."

"Driving," he said softly, throwing his keys on the kitchen counter.

"Tommy, I talked to Jude, and I'm sorry," she said, looking up at him.

Tommy shook his head and rubbed his eyes. "It's fine. I'm just going to go outside and sit in the backyard," he said.

"But supper's almost ready."

"I'm not hungry Sadie, but thanks."  
"I'll have Kwest come out after he eats," she nodded.

Tommy quickly shook his head. "You two spend some time together," he said. "I'll just grab a few beers and I'll be fine by myself."

Sadie nodded. "Alright then."

Tommy grabbed four beers out of the fridge and walked out to the backyard where there was a small patio area with a few chairs, and a table. He sat down and kicked back, opening the first beer. He laid back, closed his eyes and wished the days events would dissapear. How had it come to this? Staying at his best friend's and soon-to-be ex-wife's, sister's house, drinking beer, it wasn't what all 29-year-old men tended to dream about. He wondered what Jude was doing, but he decided that was probably the worst thing he could think about.

The next day Tommy pondered calling in sick to work, but he decided against it, knowing if he did that would just make things worse. He had barely sat down in his office before he was called to Darius's office. He inwardly groaned and made his way to the office which was on the other side of the building.

"You wanted to see me," he said dimly.

"Yeah, sit down Tom."

This can't be good, he thought to himself. He hesitantly sat down on the large black, leather chair. "What's this about?"

"Tom, you know that you're one of our most valuable producers, right?"

"I guess," he said softly.

"And since you know that, I'm sure you know how much I don't want to do this."

"D, save the crap, and spit it out already."

"We're letting you go."

Tommy sat there in shock. "You're what?"

"Tom, like I said, it was a hard decision, but we just have to cut back."

Tommy scoffed. "This isn't about cutting back, this is about Jude asking you to fire me."

"I never mentioned Jude."

"You're firing me, a valuable producer," he said, mocking Darius. "Because my wife wants you too? Not one of your smarter moves D, especially since she hasn't been coming into work!"

"I told you it was a tough decision."

"Save it," he said, storming out.

"What's going on?" Kwest asked Tommy as he saw him slam the door to Darius's office.

"I just got fired!"

"He fired you?" Kwest asked with wide eyes.

Tommy ground his jaw and tightened his fists. "Jude got ahold of him."

"She wouldn't do that."

"You want to bet? You go ask her and I bet she'll say she did."

"I can't see her doing that though Tom."

"Yeah? Well I never saw her filing for divorce either."


	6. Chapter 6

AN:  
Yes, yes I know, I'm a horrible author for not updating like I should, but this summer has been beyond crazy. Not only am I going into my senior year (eep!) we got a foreign exchange student and I haven't been online as much as I'd like...so here's an extra long chapter...review lots people!

Tommy stormed into his office, slamming the door behind him. He reached for the framed picture that was sitting on his desk. It was of Jude and himself on their wedding day. God had she looked beautiful that day. He stared at the picture for a few moments and flung it against the wall, the glass shattering as it made contact. Cursing under his breath, he walked over and began picking up the glass.

"Hey, I just heard about Darius firing you," Drea said, walking in and helping him pick up the glass.

"Drea, you shouldn't be here," he said harshly.

She picked up the last remnants of glass and threw them in the plastic garbage can beside Tommy's desk. "I just came to apologize. I really am sorry Tommy. I had no right to kiss you the other day, and I hope you can forgive me."

"Thank you for your apology Drea, but I'm really not in the mood to talk right now."

Drea hung her head and nodded. "I understand. It's been nice working with you," she said before she left the office.

Tommy swallowed back a lump in his throat when the door closed. His entire life, everything he'd worked so hard for was beginning to fall down all around him. He debated on packing up his things, but everything that was in his office either reminded him of Jude or Skylar. Shaking his head, he looked around the office that he had occupied for the past eight years and walked out of the building.

He drove to his house to pack up his things, with hopes that Jude wasn't there. When he saw that her car was in the driveway, he groaned aloud, he really did not want to deal with this today.

Sighing, he unlocked the door and started walking up to what used to be their bedroom. He grabbed two duffel bags out of the closet and started stuffing clothes into them.

"What are you doing?" A soft voice came from the hallway.

Tommy looked up and saw Jude standing in the doorway, wearing sweats and hooded sweatshirt. "Packing."

"I can see that, why?"

Tommy looked up at her like she was crazy. "Why? Oh I don't know, maybe because you filed for a divorce, and I just got fired from my job, no thanks to you."

"Tommy, don't be mad at me. It's for the best."

"Do you realize how childish it is to talk to our boss and convince him to fire me?" He asked her, his eyes pained.

"I just mentioned that we wouldn't be able to work together anymore."

Tommy shook his head. "I don't believe you, because I can't trust you anymore. This divorce isn't because you stopped loving me, it's because you can't get over the fact that I was able to get back to the real world before you were."

"Why do you always bring that up?" She asked, her jaw clenched.

"Because it's true! None of this would be happening, had we not lost Skylar."

"Yes it would have, it was a wrong choice from the beginning."

Tommy scoffed and grabbed his bags. "We're done, just like you wanted us to be. Here's my key, have a good life," he said, handing her the house key as he walked out of the house.

Once he was in his car, he glanced at the clock. It wasn't even noon yet and he had managed to get fired and have a fight with his soon-to-be ex-wife, this day was going great. His cell phone started ringing. "I have to change that ring tone," he muttered. His ringtone had been one of Jude's songs since they had started dating.

"Hello," he answered.

"Honey, what's going on?" His mom's voice came through.

"What do you mean Mom?" Tommy said as he pulled up to a stop light.

"It's all over the entertainment channels that you and Jude are getting a divorce, is it true?"

Tommy sighed softly. "Yeah Mom, it's true."

"Oh honey, I'm so sorry," his Mom said, her voice filled with pain for her son. She knew how much he loved that girl.

"Yeah me too. Listen, do you mind if I drive down to the states? You know, spend some time with you and the family."

"Of course not Tom. Come down whenever you'd like."

"How's today for you?"  
"Just fine, I'll see you later sweetie."

"Bye Mom."

Tommy's parents had lived in Boston, Massachusetts since BoyzAttack had broken up. A few years after they had made the move from Canada to Boston, they had gotten a divorce, and Tommy hadn't seen his father since.

Ever since their divorce, he had told himself that he wasn't going to end up like that, being a 30-something divorcee, but here he was, all of his worst nightmares were coming true.

Flashback  
"Tommy, I don't think you should marry Jude," Cassie, his sister told him the day before their wedding.

Tommy laughed. "Cassie, what are you talking about, I love her."

"I know, but I just, I don't know what it is, but I have a bad feeling about this whole thing."

"You're just being overprotective Cassie, playing the big sister role, but seriously, you can stop now."

"Tommy, I just don't want you to get hurt."

Tommy sighed and gave his sister a hug. "I won't. Jude loves me, and I love her, no problems."

End of Flashback

He never thought he'd actually doubt the fact that Jude loved him. Maybe she'd never loved him in the first place. Shaking his head, he stared out the windshield, kept driving, and blared the radio.

The next afternoon he arrived in Boston and drove to the outskirts of town. He got out of the car, grabbed his bags, and looked up at the three story ranch-style house. He knew he was hiding, running away from everything, but right now, he couldn't think of anything better to do then come home.

"Long time no see little brother," Cassie came out of the house, holding her six-month old son.

He smiled at the site of mother and baby, but he couldn't help the pang of pain that went through his chest at the site of his nephew. "Hey," he said, giving his sister a hug. "It has been a long time," he said more somberly.

"I'm sorry about Jude," Cassie said softly, her heart going out to her heart-broken brother.

"Thanks," Tommy nodded. He quickly turned his attention to Jace and set his bags down. "And whose this guy?" He said taking the baby from his sister. "I had a nephew but he looks nothing like the little baby I saw five months ago."

Cassie laughed softly. "He's growing like a weed," she said as she watched her brother hold her son with the expertise of a father. She wished things had played out differently for him. As much as he tried to put on a brave face, she knew he was hurting. She had seen the way he looked at Jude, that big goofy grin he got on his face whenever she caught his eye, and she remembered that she wished her husband had looked at her like that. Granted, their marriage was fine, but Cassie knew there just wasn't the spark there that Tommy had had with Jude, apparently the feeling hadn't been as mutual as they had all thought in the beginning.

Tommy cooed at the baby while he grabbed his bag and followed his sister into the house. "Where's Mom?"

"She's actually out running."

"Since when does our Mom run?"

"Since some incredibly adorable man asked her to meet him for coffee about two weeks ago."

"She's dating now?" Tommy asked with an incredulous look on his face.

"It's been good for her Tommy, she's been alone long enough."

He shook his head. "That's not what I meant, I was just kind of surprised I guess."

"Well you might try using the telephone, I hear they even invented these things called cell phones that you can take with you virtually anywhere," she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I know I haven't been in touch, but a lot has been going on, and frankly, I really don't want to fight with you Cassie, I've been doing enough of that lately."

Cassie sighed and poured him a cup of coffee as they sat on the stools by the island in the kitchen. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I know you've been through a lot lately, I'm just saying it wouldn't have hurt you to pick up the phone every once in awhile."

"It goes both ways Cassandra," Tommy said, using her full name.

She rolled her eyes. "You know I hate it when you call me that."

"Yes, that's probably why I do it," he said raising his eyebrows. Jace started to fuss and he held the baby against his shoulder, gently patting his back.

"You're quite the natural ya know," she said, taking a sip of coffee, and motioning toward the baby.

"Thanks," he said softly.

"You're not going to mope the entire time you're here are you?"

"Wasn't planning on it," he said absentmindedly.

"You know, I have half the mind to go beat the crap out of the woman you called a wife for the last few years."

"Cassie-"

"No! Have you seen any of the things they, that she's been saying about you?"

"You know I don't read tabloids, it's been pretty much like my mantra since I joined BoyzAttack."

"They're saying that not only did you cheat on her, that you arranged it so that Skylar would die."

"Cassie, really, why are you telling me this? Do you think it's helping at all?" Tommy said, clenching his jaw. There was no way he would ever even think of hurting his child.

"Because you need to know that the girl you loved has either always been a lying bitch, or she just recently turned into one."

"I know, okay? Why else do you think we're getting a divorce," he said, handing Jace to her and leaving the kitchen. He slammed the front door behind him and walked out to the backyard, his hands in his pockets. Sitting down on the green grass, he looked over to the pond, wishing he could just get his mind off everything.

He had lost track of how long he'd been out there, until he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up and saw his Mom standing behind him. She hadn't changed much over the years. She was of average height, around 5'8", a dark complexion, which she could thank her hispanic backround for, long brown, wavy hair that reached the middle of her back. The only thing that had changed were the few laugh lines around her mouth.

"Cassie told me you got into a fight."

"You make it sound like we're little kids Mom. Do you want me to say Cassie started it?"

She shook her head and sat down beside her son. "No, I really don't care what you say to be honest with you, because in some ways I think Cassie is right."

"So you think Jude is a bitch too then?"

"The mom part of me is screaming yes, but the woman part of me, is trying to hope that she's just having a hard time dealing with Skylar's death."

"I just, I don't know what went wrong Mom. I never yelled at her, I never hit her, I always tried to make her happy," he said, choking up a bit.

"And I don't doubt you for a second, honey. I know that growing up around your father was hard and you were never going to be like him," she said rubbing his back.

Tommy fought hard not to cry, he hadn't cried since he was ten years old. "I love her."

"I know, and maybe somewhere deep down, she still loves you," she said softly. She wished her son was five years old again, coming into the house with a scraped knee from falling off his back. That kind of pain she could fix, this kind, she couldn't even hold a candle to it.


End file.
